R&J: So, uh, happy birthday.
GWLITP&THJ: Thanks, but it's not my birthday.
R&J: Really?
GWLITP&THJ: Yeah. Some of my early followers moved it to December, when there were already a lot of parties going on.
R&J: Interesting.
GWLITP&THJ: I think they were going for what's called "synergy" these days.
R&J: That's actually a good segue - we wanted to ask you about branding.
GWLITP&THJ: Yeah, a lot of people use my name.
R&J: Does that bother you?
GWLITP&THJ: Oh, yeah, especially when they've strayed away from the fundamentals. Heal the sick, feed the hungry, clothe the poor, comfort the suffering. Forgive, and you'll be forgiven. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
R&J: Kick money changer ass?
GWLITP&THJ: Wow, this is a hardball interview!
R&J: Sorry -
GWLITP&THJ: No, no - it's okay. That is a tough one, considering how strongly I feel about turning the other cheek. But I can't say I'd do anything differently. I've never been comfortable with the profit motive.
R&J: What about family values?
GWLITP&THJ: You should go talk to the guy who lives under the bridge and thinks he's Paul of Tarsus. He has a lot more to say about that.
R&J: And what do you think of President Bush?
GWLITP&THJ: I love him.
R&J: So you'll vote for him next fall?
GWLITP&THJ: Oh, no. No, no, no. I love him - I love all humankind. But I'd like the President to show a better grasp of the fundamentals.
R&J: So who are you voting for?
GWLITP&THJ: I don't do endorsements any more, not after the Nader thing. Hey, that's a nice coat. Looks warm.
R&J: Uh, okay, but I'm not sure it'll fit you...
GWLITP&THJ: Oh, hey, no - I don't want it. Too girly for me. But you might want to give it to the woman who sits in front of the coffee shop and thinks she's Mary. That shade of blue would look nice on her.
R&J: Okay.
GWLITP&THJ: Well, I'd better get back to my can collecting. Peace be with you.
R&J: Thanks. You, too.
