Bush and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld want to end our country’s ban on research and development of "low-yield" nuclear weapons. They say the terrorist threat requires it, not to mention the nasty nuclear intentions of North Korea. So, the idea is to control nuclear weapons by developing a lot more of our own.

This seems like a very bad plan. Unless, of course, we find a way to make smart low-yield nukes, ones that don’t come with all those pesky side effects like vomiting, hair loss, and bleeding, not to mention death.

Just be ready to duck and cover when Tom Ridge gives us the signal.

God help us, we’re all going to die.